Greetings and blessings everyone, this is Sonja from 10 of Cups Ministries.
Thank you so much for joining me for this video on my thoughts about Twin Flame ghosting or what to do if your Twin Flame is ghosting you.
Now I come across many people who have been devastated by this phenomena and so I was guided to share some nuggets of wisdom to support you in understanding what this is all about and what to do to heal and to start to take back your life in your dignity.
But before I get into that…
What is (Twin Flame) ghosting, exactly?
Well to put it simply, ghosting is when somebody suddenly and without warning just kind of disappears into thin air with no phone calls, no texts, no responses to you or any of your messages…
…and often includes blocking you on social media platforms or blocking you from their phone.
There’s just no contact whatsoever.
They just disappear, hence the word “ghosting,” because a ghost disappears.
When you’re dealing with somebody who is really considerate of you as a person and really values you as a person, they’re going to give you at least some kind of explanation.
Even if they say, “Look this is getting super intense for me, I need to take a break,” “I can’t move forward in this relationship, I’ve got so much going on in my life.”
Or even if they do disappear, they’ll reappear eventually to say, “Hey look, I’m just so overwhelmed in my life, I’ve got all of the stuff going on I just don’t think I can sustain this relationship or I just need to take time out from you.”
They’ll let you know. They’ll give you something to go on.
In the case of ghosting, there’s absolutely no explanation. There’s no closure.
You have no idea why they’re doing this.
You have no idea what they’re thinking or what went wrong. They’re giving you nothing.
There’s just this huge void or vacuum of information within you about what’s going on, where they are, why they did this.
And the effects of this as I have seen in those that I’ve worked with especially those Twin Flames who are dealing with this dynamic is nothing short of devastating as the one who’s on the receiving end is left reeling with confusion, gnawing heartbreak, and rejection.
For many, this happens multiple times where the ghosting Twin will come back after a few weeks or a few months and then it just happens again.
When its a chronic pattern, by the time the one on the ghosted end reaches me, they’re hugely desperate to know why the other Twin Flame is doing this.
Now sometimes the person who comes to me or the Twin Flame on the receiving end will make excuses for the ghosting, saying that their Twin Flame has self-love issues or they’ve had a troubled childhood.
And there’s even reasoning that’s prevalent in Twin Flame circles that this is all a normal part of the cycle of running and chasing and the ghosting Twin Flame is just so overwhelmed by the intensity that they can’t handle the relationship and so they just disappear.
And while this may be true (or not), if you find yourself being ghosted by your Twin Flame or it is breaking you down because you’re interpreting their behavior to mean something is wrong with you or it’s because of something that you did…
Then the question is no longer “Why are they doing this to me?” and the answer is not going over their issues with a magnifying glass to justify it or to give it a context so that it can make sense.
Ghosting gives the very strong message that you are not as important as you think you are to the person in question.
it gives the message that you are expendable, that you are meaningless even, and that you don’t even deserve their time or attention anymore.
And I find for the most part that this is the programming of the receiving Twin Flame – the recipient of ghosting – that has been there and has been present long before the Twin Flame or whoever this person really is has appeared in your life.
It hurts so much because they are simply pressing upon core wounds of a program of worthlessness that was already present from childhood.
When you believe that you are not important, that you have no value or worth, you will attract this treatment from others as your soul attempts to show you what the real issue is so that you can get free from it and so that you can clear it.
When we are Self Love and Self Worth Deficient we often default into seeking that worth and validation outside of ourselves which can lead us to accepting behavior from others who are also Self-Love and Self-Worth Deficient and don’t even really have any love or validation to give us because they don’t have it within themselves.
And then we blame ourselves for not receiving the love and validation from someone who just doesn’t have it to give.
It’s sort of like being angry with somebody who has a broken leg for not being able to run a marathon with you.
They just can’t do it.
They don’t have it within themselves. And when we seek to have our cups filled up by somebody who doesn’t have anything in their pitcher, rather than tapping into the wellspring of love and truth that is within us, we set ourselves up for looking outside of ourselves and we getting our value and our worth determined by whether or not somebody is loving us or treating us in loving ways.
And this is the trap which ghosting is a byproduct of.
Then for some of us, because we are so Self Love/Self Worth Deprived, when the ghosting Twin Flame does contact us again and typically with no real explanation about where they’ve been, it’s usually business as usual.
They act like nothing’s happened or they just give some lame excuse (“I’ve been busy with work”) to explain why they haven’t responded to you in six months but they’ll come back in and just throw us these little crumbs of affection and because we’re so starving on the soul level we get excited as we lap this up only for it to end up happening again. And then a vicious cycle ensues.
So in this instance it’s not so much a matter of why they are doing this.
It’s really not about them at all. It’s about YOU and prioritizing building a life built on loving and honoring yourself.
Now on my last video about How the Feminine Truly Steps into Her Power I had such an amazing comment from a viewer who was coming to a place of acceptance that she and her Twin Flame were going in different directions and she said something very profound.
What she said was that at one time she thought that Union was the goal but now she realizes that she is the goal.
And if you are being ghosted on a regular basis and it is triggering that deep ache of being unlovable and feeling unimportant and unacceptable but you’re making it all about the Twin Flame and their behavior and “it’s running” and you’ve got your excuses and this and that…
I’ll tell you that your focus is in the wrong place. This isn’t about them.
It’s not about them – their troubled childhood, their relationship with their mom, their Boy Scout troop leader didn’t give them enough cookies…
Their blocks are not your problem.
The reason why you are equating being devalued with love and that you are attracting a behavior pattern that shows you that you are meaningless – that is your problem.
Healing core wounds of self rejection and depreciation at their original point of entry is your problem.
Embodying Self Love is your problem.
What’s going on with them is their problem and it is a hallmark attribute of codependence to take ourselves out of the picture so that we can focus on others.
We minimize and make ourselves disappear so that the other person attains the only level of importance in our life.
They are our focus.
We want to fix, we want to help, we want to serve, we want to save… and we do this with ghosting by making excuses or making it about them, or thinking toxic behavior is normal because it is a Twin Flame…it’s running, right?
I hear it all the time when people call me or they set up appointments and they’re clearly in a lot of pain over this dynamic but then they go on to say, “Oh, you know, I know it’s because they can’t receive love and this is what happened in their childhood, etc. And maybe it’s the Twin Flame thing and it’s so intense that they can’t receive it and there’s all of this stuff…”
But what they’re missing here is the effect that this is having on them.
What’s completely not in the equation is the possibility that this is reflecting something back to them that’s really up for healing and clearing so that they can transform it because to be treated in a way that you’re not being valued and appreciated and treated as sacred and loved and honored is not normal and it is not sacred.
I don’t care what kind of label you want to put on it.
It is reflective that something is wrong somewhere, that there’s a vibrational resonance with this behavior that needs to be deactivated at its original entry point so that you can move out of this vicious cycle.
Whether this is truly the Twin Flame – that’s irrelevant.
And the most wonderful thing about this is as you take your eyes off of them and what they’re doing and not doing and “Woe is me” and “This is what he did and this is what she’s doing”…
When you take your eyes off of all of that and put that aside and put it on to yourself and the pain that is in the heart of your Inner Child and transform it to embody more self-love and more of your Divine consciousness and truth and really heal and transform this…
If this person is meant to be in your life, things will change on their own really without you having to do much of anything at all.
This is the magic of vibrational alignment.
The other outcome is they will leave your life. And if this happens what have you truly lost by someone who cannot see your Worth and value leaving your life?
What’s the loss here?
If someone cannot see the wonderful living breathing sacred expression of the Divine life that you are?
It’s not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of them.
And if you can’t see that in yourself then you’ll fall into the trap created by a program that you are flawed or that something is wrong with you… and there really is nothing wrong with you.
I mean if there were to be something wrong with you, the only thing that is wrong is that you believe that something is wrong with you and you’re giving your power away to someone who doesn’t have the common decency to provide you with closure or even an explanation and then erroneously think that you can create Sacred Partnership with someone who would do this.
Do you remember that commercial from back in the 80s and 90s, “What would you do for a Klondike bar” where people would do all sorts of silly things for the interviewer just so they would give them an Ice Cream?
Well, if your Twin Flame ghosts you often or is ghosting you now I have to ask:
What would you do for the Twin Flame label?
Would you put up with being devalued?
Would you put up with being treated as an afterthought?
Would you put up with behavior that says you’re irrelevant?
Would you put up with behavior that doesn’t honor you such as ghosting and then just roll out the welcome mat whenever the person feels like giving you some time, throwing you those crumbs?
And I know for many of you who are watching this video or reading this post, you’re probably saying, “Yes but I love them, and this is unconditional love.”
But unconditional love doesn’t mean that you put up with everything and anything.
And sure, you may love him or her but do you love and honor yourself?
Because people who truly do love and honor themselves really don’t manifest this type of dynamic.
And even if they do, they’re still able to walk away with their dignity and their self worth intact. It doesn’t erode it further.
Or they’re able to put their foot down and not give so much of themselves for somebody who has not shown that they have “earned it”.
Let’s say for sake of argument that this is truly your Twin Flame.
How does it change your perspective to know that the true gift that they have for you is the gift of YOU – the gift of loving yourself and knowing your truth?
And knowing that this is above the quest for being in a romantic relationship with somebody who is not honoring the Divine within you?
Further resources for support if you’re being Ghosted by your Twin
So what do you think about what I shared in this video and post?
Please leave your comments on the video embedded at the top of the page.
And if you are in a situation like this and you are struggling with codependency and knowing your worth and valuing yourself, I invite you to subscribe at the bottom of this page.
You will receive a free audio activation that I call the Three Selfies.
It’s an activation to clear and heal blocks to self-love, self-worth and self-acceptance.
Also if you are finding yourself in the middle of ghosting and really having a difficult time with processing it, you’re really in a state of intensive heartbreak, here is the link to my video SOS Heartbreak Healing. This video includes a healing transmission of light to deactivate the immediate charge of the heartbreak and also open up channels of understanding and what the highest purpose or the lessons that are present for you to learn in the situation.
It’ll help you start getting connected to that so that you can start moving forward.
I also invite you to check out this link 10 of Cups audio library where you will find dozens of resources on some of the very dynamics that I have described in this video so you can really start creating some lasting change and breaking out of this cycle of waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting and letting your life pass by…
…waiting on somebody who has made it very clear that they just don’t see who you are or they can’t see who you are and the programming that manifests as being treated like you are not that important.
Well, that’s it for today, feel free to share and subscribe!
I look forward to bringing you another video blog in the very near future.
Until then, wishing you as always infinite blessings and infinite love.